WHY THE FEELING OF ENTITLEMENT?

WHY THE FEELING OF ENTITLEMENT? 

Recently, I reached out to some of my seniors in secondary school and friends, whom I revere so much and have a high level of respect for professionally, to help my business and a new idea that I just conceived. I knew their leverage was very crucial to the success or otherwise of this idea that I am trying to bring to life. It looked to me that this was a fantastic idea to be able to ride on the shoulders of “successful people”; so, I gave it all the shot required. 

I was never brought up to beg alms even in the direst of situations. Though my parents would always tell me never to be afraid to ask for help if and when I needed one - the answer I would get would either be a “no” or a “yes” - and either way, I would not know which one it would be until I asked. So, it was a very balanced view and approach to life. 

Their wisdom reechoes in my subconscious every time I navigate the murky waters of business or life in general. I am constantly reminded that no one is an island; and that no one climbs the height of success without leverages - people, described by the respected Elder Kunle Ekundayo of Drugfield Pharmaceuticals, as “destiny helpers”. 

In life, I have learnt through the wisdom of sages, my parents and my personal experiences that people are deliberately positioned on our journey in life either as leverages, signposts or hindrances. It is our ability to recognise what each person represents that will help us manage the various levels and facets of relationships we are to commit. And like the popular Pastor J. T. Kalejaiye opined, “you are either a pillar or a caterpillar in someone’s life or destiny.” 

Well, back to my seniors and friends whom I asked help from. Not one of them assisted. Though one of them had a very good explanation about being too busy to attend to my request (hic!). In all honesty, I was not angry with any one of them - I only just got to know what they represented in my journey. After all, they are not obligated to do what I wanted. This is exactly the way I was taught to see life. A man cannot help you if it is not given to him to do so. Why get angry over nothing when it is possible I fall into the same snare? It is also possible for me to have denied people in the past the help required when they have already imagined that once they met me it would be a done deal. You see, in life man will always be man. The best of men is a man at best. When someone tells you “no”, move on…very soon you’d get a “yes” from someone else. Your greatest motivation should be that you are not resting on your oars. 

In the fabric of human behaviour, the entitlement mindset is like a loose thread that can unravel individual potential and societal harmony. This mentality, which makes people believe they inherently deserve special treatment, can be harmful both personally and collectively. It stifles personal growth and sows discord in communities and workplaces. Understanding the dangers of entitlement and countering it with humility and gratitude is crucial for fostering a healthier, more productive society. 

The Roots of Entitlement 

Entitlement often arises from a mix of upbringing, societal influences, and personal experiences. Children who are overly pampered or shielded from failure might grow up believing they deserve success without effort. Likewise, societal messages that glorify wealth and status can make individuals feel entitled to privileges without considering their contributions. 

While it's natural to desire fairness and justice, entitlement goes beyond this. It manifests as an expectation of special treatment without a corresponding sense of responsibility or effort. This mindset can lead to frustration, resentment, and constant dissatisfaction. 

Personal Consequences of Entitlement 

I have seen that an entitlement mindset cause stagnation of personal growth. When people believe they are entitled to success, they often neglect the hard work needed to achieve it. This complacency can lead to missed opportunities for learning and self-improvement, resulting in a cycle of underachievement and unfulfilled potential. 

Also, it can lead to the erosion of relationships. Entitlement mentality can strain relationships by fostering selfishness and a lack of empathy. Those with an entitlement mentality may expect others to cater to their needs without reciprocating, leading to conflicts and a breakdown of trust and mutual respect. 

When you see entitled people, you are likely to witness people with increased anxiety and depression. Constant entitlement therefore can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, as reality rarely matches inflated expectations. This gap between expectation and reality can cause stress, anxiety, and depression, further harming personal well-being and happiness. 

Societal Impacts of Entitlement 

In professional settings, entitlement can manifest as an unwillingness to collaborate or a sense of superiority over colleagues. This disrupts team dynamics, hampers productivity, and creates a toxic work culture where merit and effort are undervalued. 

Entitlement can also erode social cohesion by fostering divisions and a sense of inequality. When people or groups believe they deserve more than others, it can lead to social tensions and a breakdown in community solidarity. Even a society can be so plagued by entitlement that it begins to value hard work and innovation less likely as a sure route to success. This attitude, in a society, can result in economic inefficiency, as resources are wrongly allocated based on perceived entitlements rather than merit or need, stifling overall progress and development. 

Dealing With This Menace 

It’s simple. Embrace a humble disposition to life and gratitude for whatever comes your way. The antidote to entitlement is cultivating humility and gratitude. These virtues not only enhance personal well-being but also contribute to a more harmonious and productive society. 

Humility involves recognizing one's limitations and valuing others' contributions. It fosters a growth mindset, where individuals are open to learning and self-improvement. By having a humble disposition to life, we can appreciate the effort and dedication required for success, leading to greater personal and professional fulfillment. 

Gratitude, on the other hand, shifts the focus from what we lack to what we have. Regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positives in our lives can combat feelings of entitlement. This practice enhances mental well-being, strengthens relationships, and fosters a sense of contentment and resilience. 

It will not be out of place to encourage a sense of responsibility and accountability - this will help counteract entitlement. By taking ownership of our actions and their consequences, we can develop a stronger work ethic and a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment. 

Conclusion 

The entitlement mindset is a pervasive issue with far-reaching consequences. However, by embracing humility, gratitude, and responsibility, we can counteract its negative effects. Cultivating these virtues not only enhances personal growth and happiness but also contributes to a more equitable and cohesive society. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let's strive to replace entitlement with a spirit of appreciation and a commitment to continuous improvement. In doing so, we can unlock our true potential and build a brighter future for all. 

© Emmanuel Obu 

July 20, 2024 

Emmanuel Obu is a clergy, social commentator and a brands and communications strategist based in Lagos. He is the Chief Design Officer at Design Turf Limited - an innovative and ideas agency with a design thinking outlook.